I miss my girls

It's the half way point in the girls' week at church camp. It seems like they've been gone an eternity. Yesterday, Tiny called me - collect - and said she just wanted to hear my voice. Go ahead and say awwww...., I'll wait. It was pretty sweet of her. I was choked up by the end of the call. 

Both girls are having a great time and enjoying all the activities. The camp theme this year is the Olympics. Chachi is on Team Japan and Tiny is on Team Italy. Apparently, Team Italy is in the lead for the games and currently gets to carry the torch through out the game field. Tiny said the team has let her carry it and that was VERY exciting! 

I leave for my business trip tomorrow to attend convention for Cookie Lee. I am really not looking as forward to it as I had been. I am missing my girls something fierce and I want to be home to pick them up from camp on Saturday. I want to hear all their stories and tales of having to find gummy worms in baked beans with just their faces! I want to hug and kiss them and snuggle them until they fall asleep Saturday night. But, alas, I won't get to do any of those things until Sunday. Siggghhhh. 

Boops is missing them too. If I ask him, "where are the girls?", he'll run to the front door and look to see if they're coming up the walk way. Or he runs to their room and knocks on the door. We're ALL missing our precious girls. We just aren't complete without them. 

Kevlar panties should be standard issue

You've heard the old statement that hospitals don't give out manuals when you have a baby. You have your baby, you get a day or two to rest then they send you home with your child to learn it all for yourself. Good and bad, you learn by experience all on your own. There's no way that anyone could make a parenting manual that would be accurate all the time because every child is an individual. I have 3 kids and if I was issued the same manual each time I gave birth, I would be a wreck not to mention confused most the time. They are all COMPLETELY different people. Right from birth, each had their own personality, needs, wants and way to convey it all. No manual could cover it for all people. 

What I did receive all three times is a diaper bag from some company pimping out their formula that includes a bag, some kind of blanket, formula samples and maybe a t-shirt or something. None of it is really used by me except the blankets that the girls have used for their baby dolls. I'd love to see the hospitals give out something useful for once. How about a pair of kevlar panties? 

Don't you think those would be 100% useful? Anyone who is a parent knows there are ups and downs to parenting on a daily basis. The little moments where you hear your child tell you they love you for the first time, when something sad happens in life and they come over to comfort you, they score a goal in their soccer game, just to name a few, are those moments that make being a parent an amazing experience. But what about those other moments? The non-warm fuzzy moments. I had one of those this morning. 

Both of my girls left for church camp this morning. They'll be gone all week at a camp in the Santa Cruz mountains. We spent a good portion of the day yesterday packing and getting them all dialed in for the trip. They both were excited to be going but I would be foolish to say the excitement was distributed equally between them. 

We went shopping yesterday in the late afternoon so we could spend some extra time with the girls before they left. Tiny had complained of a stomach ache for a good majority of the day. I knew it was nerves because it only seemed to flair up when the fact that the D-Day was closing in quickly. (D-Day being Departure Day.) So this morning, we had to be at the church at 7 AM. Yes, 7 AM, bright eyed and bushy tailed - ready to go. We pull up the the church, I put the car in park and from behind, I feel little arms thrown around my neck and sobs with tears warmly running down my neck. 

Through the sobs, my little Tiny says, "I'm going to miss you so much, Mom." OK, rip my guts out right now and stamp my heart on the concrete. My baby girl is already missing me. And I will freely admit that I was getting very misty yesterday putting the girls' clothes in their suitcases so I was already emotional about it. I was missing them already too. Anyway, I get out of the car and go to her passenger door, open it up and she flops into my arms and continues to cry. I had to hold back my own tears and tell her she'd be fine, she'll have a wonderful time, and all her friends were waiting for her to spend the week with them. She perked up enough to get out of the car and roll her suitcase that truly is bigger than she is, over to the bus to be loaded up. Let's note here that Chachi had already run off to the bus where her buddies were waiting for her to jump up and down and celebrate the pending departure from parents and all rules except the basic rules of common sense. 

We went on board the bus for Tiny to pick out her seat and get her travel bag settled in. Then it was time for Boops and I to leave the girls for their new adventures. I load up the baby, start the car and pull out of the parking lot. At that moment, I realize this would be the perfect time for a pair of kevlar panties. One of my favorite phrases is "put on your big girl panties and deal with it." What if those panties were kelvar? Don't you think those big girl panties could protect you from so much more as a parent? They could shield you from those times in life when you think you've taken all you can handle. Maybe a kevlar holster for your heart would be more useful. All I know is anything made out of kevlar can't be bad. 

It was tough for me today - I had to give up a little bit more of my children's dependance and let them forge onto more independence. I know when they get home, they won't be the same kids that left me this morning. They'll be the same in many ways but they will have spread their wings away from the safety of the nest. They will have grown as individuals. I love that they have these experiences but it also pains my heart just a little knowing they need me that much less and we are that much closer to them making their own way in this huge and sometime scary world. 

If anyone knows me at all, they know I am all about independence and doing things my own way. It's important to me to teach my kids how to be independent and I WANT them to be able to take on anything this life throws at them. But as a mom, I wish the moments when they are little and need us so much lasted just a little bit longer. 

Hang a sign around my neck because this snack shack is CLOSED

Yep, it's true. I am done nursing. Boops is almost 15 months old and I actually held out longer than I thought I would and honestly, I probably would have been done sooner but he wouldn't take any kind of formula or bottle so it was nursing or nothing. 

I would love to be able to sit here and say that I am overjoyed and relieved but I'm not. I'm a little sad. I'm going to miss our quiet times, just he and I, when he isn't squirming and running around but snuggling with me and letting me kiss his little hands and smelling his hair. It's a moment in time that draws a line in the sand between baby and toddlerhood. He's growing up and moving on. Moving on to climbing and running, digging in dirt and being 100% boy. Plus, when a kid can pull up your shirt to look for a snack all by himself - it's time. It's flat out T I M E. All is as it should be but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting a little bit. 

I'm going to Anaheim this weekend for business so I knew this day (or night as the case may be) was coming but just like everything else in life, it's here before you know it and then you're reminiscing about 5 years down the road in the blink of an eye. This also puts me on a path to a little freedom as well. My precious husband and I will be able to go out and stay out a little later on our date nights because I don't have to nurse Boops to sleep. (I hope my parents are taking special note here. :) )

So, go ahead and read the sign in big black letters- this snack shack is closed for business. 

On a side note, you have GOT to check out this YouTube. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. Simply amazing! Click on the Mind-blowing Waterfall 

It's over as soon as it began

If you had asked me before yesterday morning, I would have told you I was ready for my kids to go back to school. That I was looking forward to being back into the routine and getting the kids apart some so they aren't fighting all the time. I would have said something about the freedom to get some cleaning done around the house without playing referee all day. Being able to work and make phone calls uninterrupted. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks pressing on my chest and my tear ducts. This is Chachi's last summer as an elementary school kid.

I never thought of it like that before, being her last summer of "innocence." Her last summer of being little, in my eyes at least. Next summer is going to be different. She'll be preparing for middle school. That's a whole other beast in itself. But the distinction that lies between elementary school and middle school is huge. Like a chasm that separates the child from the tween. Next year, she'll be moving classes and having brunch AND lunch periods. I guess we all want our kids to grow up and stay little all at the same time but right now, the desire for her to stay little is overwhelming. 

With all that said about Chachi, I was also having the realization that Tiny will be in 3rd grade. That's the big time at their school. They move from the lower grade playground to the playground where 3rd - 5th graders play and it doesn't sound uber cool to someone who doesn't attend their school but 3rd grade also means they can play on Blue Heaven. Blue Heaven is a play structure for the upper grades ONLY and it is a big deal to those 3rd graders. To me, it's one more step to Tiny going on to the same fate as her sister, middle school. 

Last night at Tiny's soccer practice, another mom of a 5th grader at the kid's school and I were chatting about how we both are feeling this tug at our hearts and she says, "At least you have the baby still at home so it shouldn't be as hard as it will be for the rest of us who don't have any little ones at home." I thought about that comment for quite some time last night after we left practice. At first I thought, it was true, I do have one more child to go through their elementary school and I can look forward to doing all these experiences again. Then, a flood of memories came rushing back to my mind about when Chachi was small and I thought she'd be little forever and how her even being in 5th grade seemed like a lifetime away. And now it's here. 

The next thought was Boops will be in 5th grade before we know it. That is a sad thought to me. I am enjoying him being small so much. Much more than I think I enjoyed it with either of the girls because I didn't realize with them how fast it would go by. In my mind, I felt like they would stay small longer but as all parents know, they are born then they're 10 years old and in the 5th grade in the blink of an eye. Since I am getting all misty again, I will end my pity party but I hope you enjoy pictures of our camping trip in Lake Tahoe last weekend. 

A camping we will go, a camping we will go...

High ho the derry O, a camping we will go. Yes, it is true. We're going camping. In the woods. With a tent. In the dirt. And possibly without running water OR bathrooms. EEEK! We'll be gone all weekend in Lake Tahoe with my husband's cousin, his wife and their 3 kids. That is 6 kids total, from ages 9 to 14 months. Whew, it's going to be an experience! 

We went to Big 5 and bought all our gear. Well, most of our gear. The family, let's call them the P's, go camping a lot so they have the cooking equipment etc... But we ran that poor sales guy at Big 5 ragged. We got an 8 person tent so it should be plenty of room for our family. Let us not forget that we have the pack and play to put up in there! 

We're staying at a camp ground not far from the lake. From what I can see on the website, we should have an amazing view. I am really looking forward to getting out of town for a few days, spending time with the kids doing something completely new with them, being able to sit around with our extended family without distractions and the grind of daily life creeping into the schedule. We have 3 whole days to relax and recharge. 

I love Tahoe and the weather should be beautiful this weekend. The lake water will be downright chilly but I'm sure that won't stop the kids from going in and making the most of every moment alloted to them in that water! It's amazing to me that as adults, we get so put off by cold water or other surrounding conditions and allow that to impede the fun we could be having. Children seem to block out the cold, the circumstances, whatever is surrounding them that an adult would let hinder them. They go all out and just have a good time. I hope this weekend brings back some of that innocence for all of us and I am determined to go into the lake with my girls. I might only stay a few minutes but by gum, I'm going to dunk my head under and swim with them for a while. 

I can't wait to see how the kids do without all the common conveniences of home and how they really CAN survive a day without television, a Wii, or any other electronic device to babysit their minds. There's fun to be had in the world and I pray this trip stimulates their minds and shows them their imaginations are more fun than anything someone else can come up with. Rocks, sticks and a good imagination can make a camp site into a fortress. They become princesses and fight their way past the dragons to safety! We're going to let them try their hands at cooking dinner and helping out with pitching the tent. It's going to open them up to all new experiences. 

Life is full of moments that seem to be flying by at the speed of light. Just yesterday, it seems like Chachi was born and we were bringing her home for the first time. Now she's going into her last year of elementary school and that will be over before we know it and it's off to middle school. I want to grasp every moment we have left with my kids and hold them tight with both hands. Remembering all the smells, sounds and emotions related to each one so that when they're grown, I can pull them out and relive them. And I hope they take those memories with them too where ever they go so when they're far away at college or starting their own lives, they can take them out, call me and we can share those memories together, reminiscing about times like this when we went camping for the first time in Tahoe and all the funny things that happened on the trip. 

Look at me here, I'm getting all sappy and I actually started this post laughing at the thought of me being in dirt for 3 days! I have a ton to do today, including packing all my stuff, Boop's stuff and the food etc... so I should probably get started on it. I can't wait to post some pictures of us "roughing it" and I WILL have a picture made of me in the water. For posterity's sake, of course! 

In which I spend the day with Deanna Raybourn

I started my post with that title because my dear friend and award winning author, Deanna Raybourn, starts every post on her Blog A Go-Go with "In which..." (see links on the right side of this blog to check her out). 

Sunday, my amazing husband took my kids all day and sent me off on BART to spend the day in San Francisco with Deanna. She was here from Virginia for a literary conference and RITA awards ceremony. The RITAs are the Oscars of the literary world. I got to the San Francisco Marriott a little early so I was waiting in the lobby for her since she was coming in from breakfast with her editor. From across the waiting area, I see her in her smart brown dress and TO DIE FOR animal print stilettos, hair swept up, carrying an incredible bag and carrying a RITA!!! Yes, she WON a RITA for Silent in the Grave! She beat Nora Roberts in the category. Completely awesome!

At 10 AM, we got picked up by the car service, Green Limo Service, in a leather clad Prius. I have to admit, the Prius was very comfortable and roomier than I would have imagined and it had some serious get up and go! We went to Sebastopol for a luncheon/book signing and we had a driver that we were sure had driven for Nascar at some point or was in fact a stunt driver and was filming a scene while we were in the car. He darted in and out of traffic like we were Kermit in a video game of Frogger. 

The luncheon was at the Starlight Wine Bar and Restaurant in Sebastopol. Lunch was delicious and the company was delightful. I loved watching the women who were there to spend the afternoon with Deanna and have their books signed. She was a total rock star! Deanna read an excerpt from Silent in the Sanctuary, the second book in the series. She signed books, chit chatted and basically hypnotized us with the sheer glamour she exudes. 

We headed back to San Francisco about 3:15 PM and were able to do a little bit of shopping before we headed to dinner at Lori's Diner on Powell Street. We had fantastic conversation, laughed and had an all around wonderful time all over cheeseburgers and fries. 

I want to thank Deanna for ushering me around with her all day and letting me tag on her coat tails to her event. Deanna, Thanks for dinner and spending your entire last day in San Francisco with me. 

Here's a picture of Deanna with her RITA while she's signing books at the event. Isn't she completely gorgeous? So much beauty, talent and a genuinely wonderful person all in one package. 

Lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!

Yesterday, we went to the San Francisco Zoo with 10 girls from my girl scout troop. Also in toe was Tiny, Boops and my dad. Thank goodness for dear ol dad who took care of the baby the entire time!

It was a fun day. We left around 9 AM and headed over with 6 kids in my car (3 of which 

were my own), we got the the zoo just as it opened at 10 AM. We didn't see everything, as I had hoped, but we saw a majority of the animals. 

The zoo as a whole was disappointing. I have

n't been to the SF Zoo since I was in 7th grade so we're talking almost 22 years ago. Gosh, that's a scary thought. But it is so run down and haggard looking. The exhibits weren't well maintained. The animals themselves looked sad and pitiful. One of the silver back gorillas just sat by the cold black cage door that leads them back to where they are housed at night. His face was sullen and lips down turned like a child when it's sad and sitting alone in the corner. It was heart wrenching. Hardly any of the animals were awake. They were in their enclosures but off to the side or in the rear sleeping so there really wasn't much to see. The most excitement we had, animal wise, was the polar bears who were JUST coming out into the enclosure for the morning and they strutted out, stretched their back legs far behind themselves and laid down. Rough life they lead, eh? Might I add that they laid down with their bottoms to the crowd so we didn't even really see them much. 

Several of the exhibits were closed such as the rain forest exhibit that was a phenomenal experience. That was a let down as well. We did ride the train and the carousel but at those prices, I am amazed they had as many riders as they did. $4 for the train ride that takes 2 laps around a very short track, lasting less than 5 minutes and the carousel that costs $2 and is even a shorter ride than the train. But it was Boop's first time to do both and he was too cute for words on both. 

After the zoo, we had lunch on Ocean Beach. The girls all had a blast running up the beach as the waves came in. They were looking for sand dollars that used to cover the beach but yesterday was not a good day for sand dollar hunting. There was an overabundance of crab shells, though. Some birds had a field day and a nice dinner leaving literally hundreds of crab head shells strewn about the beach. The highlight was a squishy and quite stinky dead jellyfish that had washed ashore. After much poking and prodding, the fascination was over and they moved on. I loved watching them just being 9 and 10 year old kids, with no cares in the world, enjoying the moment that was at hand. I got some good pictures, too. These are the moments great memories are made of. 

Speaking of memories to store away, I was driving home and started thinking of what I had to do when I arrived back home. I took the wrong exit and ended up having to drive almost to the Oakland Airport before there was an exit to turn around. Even at that, we had to drive through downtown Oakland to find the entrance back on. What a frustrating situation that I will be sure not to repeat. Despite the set back, we had already made up a bunch of time by cutting through city streets and getting back on the 101 by the Bay Bridge so we still beat one of the parents back to the house! Amazingly enough. 

I've added a few pictures from the day. I'll only post ones of my kids since this is my blog! I'm partial like that. :)